Written by Kelly Franquemont of Kitsuki.

It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for, I’m going to talk about boobs….

Among the long list of inappropriate questions Asia will routinely expect foreigners to answer, one of the most common inquiries at school is some nearly-English variant of, ‘What size bra do you wear?’

In fact, breasts seem to be a favorite topic of conversation from elementary school kids right on up to the old men at the enkais. My first day teaching at a middle school, one of the third year boys managed to crank out enough English to say, “I want your boobs.” I told him I’d trade them for his fruit cup, but he declined. Pansy.

But, to be fair, I hear the boys get worse.

Anyway, me being me, when I was asked this question I asked them what size they thought I was.

The answer? E. As in ‘elephant-sized’. Maybe in Asia, but in Reality I shop in the ‘modest C’ section.

Now, here’s the thing about Japanese chicks. They look -great- with their clothes on. Yellow fever makes so much sense it hurts a little. But then, you go to an onsen and see everybody naked. And in the onsen, you start kinda wondering a little, because they’re…usually, anyway, there are exceptions, but usually…just not attractive. Mostly, this is because Japanese women have bodies like 12 year old boys. Yet, somehow, they manage to transform themselves into reasonably feminine proportions with clothes on. Huh.

Probably the best example of this is my very favorite high school drama, 花盛りの君たちへ. The main character cross-dresses as a boy to get into an all-boys high school so she can help this guy who saved her life once. Anyway, the point is she passes as a boy. But then, in the five or six episodes they have her cross-cross-dress back into a chick she’s…ample.

Huh.

The secret? Japanese boob-enhancing bras. Victoria’s Secret has NOTHING on these guys. Nothing.

The problem with Japanese bras, though, is that they are Japanese. Which is to say excessive. Anyone who’s been exposed to Japanese fashion even a little knows the Japanese like to…well, they overdo it a little. Hence the common joke that Japanese teenagers all wear school uniforms six days a week, so on the seventh day they put on everything in their closet to compensate. Their underwear is no exception. Usually it comes in a bright color with some hearts, embroidered, and trimmed in lace. Don’t get me wrong, in America you’ll see bright-colored bras with hearts, embroidery, and lace, but just usually not all at once.

But, figuring if I spent enough time I’d probably be able to find something either lacy or embroidery or flowery but not all three, I decided to celebrate the New Year with a little shopping spree for some new ‘going out’ clothes. And, the best place to start is with the basics, so I found myself in one of Japan’s plethora of lingerie shops.

I ended up discovering that Japanese people nearly entirely create their proportions based on their underwear. If it’s a support something-or-other, they have it. In fact, you can entirely cover your entire body in form-enhancing clothing. Thigh slimmers, padded underwear, tummy tuckers, hip lifts, calf-slimming tights…and of course, the bras. Most places stock right up through size F, so even those of us far more blessed than I can probably find something they’ll fit into. If bows and ruffles are your thing, there’s a whole world open to you. But, even if Hello Kitty makes you cringe, there are a surprising number of options. I even managed to find a bra with no lace, or hearts, or embroidery. It does have some chains on the straps but let’s face it, any way you look at it that’s just sexy. Of course, it came in only two colors - yellow and hot pink. So, I now officially have hot pink underwear because yellow and had a disagreement a few years back. My new set of boobs? Under ¥2000.

Crazy, huh.

The moral of this story? Well, I think I’ll land this one right inbetween “Don’t knock it ’til you try it” and “It’s not what you have, but how you use it”. So, girls, don’t be afraid to get out there and Japanify your wardrobe a little - at least, the lingerie side of it.

Another interesting article on the same topic can be found at Hanami Web.